Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Come Back Generation X! Come Back Hipster! All Is Forgiven!

For once, David Brooks manages to scare me instead of anger me.

Moreover, the tea party movement has passion. Think back on the recent decades of American history — the way the hippies defined the 1960s; the feminists, the 1970s; the Christian conservatives, the 1980s. American history is often driven by passionate outsiders who force themselves into the center of American life.

I'm trying to think of things more frightening than this collection of delusional roleplayers who think Thomas Paine, if he were alive today, would watch Glenn Beck, becoming the watermark of our culture. So far I've only got this:

1. Actual fascist coup
2. Jason Vorhees learning how to fire a gun
3. Dick Cheney/Lynne Cheney Hustler spread
4. Being alive for the day some scientist announces the sun is about to implode
5. Being a songwriter for a company that writes Christian pop-punk songs. You know, whatever Leiber and Stoller are for the Christ-pop set. Think about it, you don't even get the groupies that will blow you or do anal because they think that isn't breaking the whole abstinence pledge thing. But I'm getting way off track here.

I know the whole "I'm moving to X if Y happens" is old, but the minute I see some motherfucker walking down my block in a tri-corner hat and whatever new book Glenn Beck and Ann Coulter's monstrous science child* has written is the minute I move to somewhere. Somewhere with no people. Maybe Mozambique.

*Believe me people, that kid has totally been made in a test tube and is in a bunker somewhere learning cry on command.

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