I've Had It With Your Drones, Avakian

There's a specter haunting New York City, and that specter is cute girl communists.

They're literally everywhere, if by everywhere you accept my definition of "everywhere" to mean at two different places in the city at two totally different times and vaguely connected to each other by music. Seriously, there is nothing worse than meeting some girl you think is cute and wants to argue about politics and then drops that she's riding for the Revolutionary Communist Party of America. I'd rather her whip out her dick to piss in an alley than try and sell me Revolution. And I've fallen for this twice.

Two years ago, during CMJ I was walking with some friends and somehow started talking to some girl. As if I remember everything, this was two years ago. Anyway, after I realized I couldn't impress her with my totally unearned and free pass, I must have asked her what she was handing out because she started talking about communism and how great it was.

Now, if I were someone better at these things, maybe I would have been able to steer the conversation somewhere else. But I suck at many things, and one of those things is remembering that people in the RCP are true believers and they aren't going to just give it all up because some drunk guy on the street doubts that we're ready for revolution. So we argued about communism and revolution. Yeah, that's me, playa playa. Eventually my friends and I got where we were going and she gave me some kind of literature or postcard or something about Bob Avakian, Grand Poobah of the RCP. I halfheartedly checked him out and then forgot about it.

End of story? Of course not. Last night I went to see Japanther, but made the mistake of going alone and being very drunk. Japanther was opening for some band called Outernational, so once they were done, I started thinking about leaving when some cute red haired girl asked me who I had come to see. I told her Japanther and that I was weighing whether or not to go and see Bad Lieutenant. She didn't know what that was (whoops should have let it go then) but assured me that Outernational was great, real rockin', revolutionary. OK, fine cute girl, I'll stand here and talk to you then and listen to you fret and hope everyone there didn't have my idea to go to Bad Lieutenant.

So there's the whole what's your name (Alice) and what do you do thing and I tell her about how cool I am and how I work at a grocery store and Alice tells me she's in town to work at Revolution. God dammit, I must have "schmuck" written on my forehead both because this is another fucking pitch and I can barely realize it. My memory of the last time this happened still hazy, I make the same fucking mistake and start trying to figure out why someone would willingly join up with the RCP in 2009. We do our whole dance, me trying not to offend her and her trying to convert me. She kept talking about motherfucking Bob Avakian and reminding me of "Cult Leader" that Non Phixion song.



It gets even weirder when Alice pauses to text her friend and this old woman hanging around us jumped in. This woman was standing there watching us talk like she was a media minder or something. What were we talking about? Well, since drunk Dave is an asshole and doesn't know when to quit, I tell her. So now I'm getting the same fucking pitch, no worse actually because she tosses out the "Obama is Bush all over" and there's not even the remotest possibility of getting laid. Fortunately, Outernational took the stage not long after that and I was spared any more arguing with people who use the term "revolution" way too often. Bye bye Alice, off to get closer to a band that was eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeccchh.

So yeah it's only happened to me twice, but does this happen to anyone else? Do Scientologists send hot girls to shows to try to get people to join up? Or Hare Krishnas? I'm almost tempted to go to Revolution Books and see the state of communism is America today and listen to people impotently wonder why fat and happy 'Muricans aren't rising up against their capitalist masters and also try to pick Alice up but I feel like that's the RCP's hustle. It's why they think I "schmuck" stamped on my forehead.

Well that and Alice loved Outernational despite the fact that they were terrible. They're like if the worst parts of Rage Against the Machine, Anti-Flag and your embarrassing high school ska band (I never had one but I wanted to start one and name us Tupperware) had a baby.