Monday, December 7, 2009

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December 3, 2009 8:32 AM

I've Had It With Your Drones, Avakian

There's a specter haunting New York City, and that specter is cute girl communists.

They're literally everywhere, if by everywhere you accept my definition of "everywhere" to mean at two different places in the city at two totally different times and vaguely connected to each other by music. Seriously, there is nothing worse than meeting some girl you think is cute and wants to argue about politics and then drops that she's riding for the Revolutionary Communist Party of America. I'd rather her whip out her dick to piss in an alley than try and sell me Revolution. And I've fallen for this twice.

Two years ago, during CMJ I was walking with some friends and somehow started talking to some girl. As if I remember everything, this was two years ago. Anyway, after I realized I couldn't impress her with my totally unearned and free pass, I must have asked her what she was handing out because she started talking about communism and how great it was.

Now, if I were someone better at these things, maybe I would have been able to steer the conversation somewhere else. But I suck at many things, and one of those things is remembering that people in the RCP are true believers and they aren't going to just give it all up because some drunk guy on the street doubts that we're ready for revolution. So we argued about communism and revolution. Yeah, that's me, playa playa. Eventually my friends and I got where we were going and she gave me some kind of literature or postcard or something about Bob Avakian, Grand Poobah of the RCP. I halfheartedly checked him out and then forgot about it.

End of story? Of course not. Last night I went to see Japanther, but made the mistake of going alone and being very drunk. Japanther was opening for some band called Outernational, so once they were done, I started thinking about leaving when some cute red haired girl asked me who I had come to see. I told her Japanther and that I was weighing whether or not to go and see Bad Lieutenant. She didn't know what that was (whoops should have let it go then) but assured me that Outernational was great, real rockin', revolutionary. OK, fine cute girl, I'll stand here and talk to you then and listen to you fret and hope everyone there didn't have my idea to go to Bad Lieutenant.

So there's the whole what's your name (Alice) and what do you do thing and I tell her about how cool I am and how I work at a grocery store and Alice tells me she's in town to work at Revolution. God dammit, I must have "schmuck" written on my forehead both because this is another fucking pitch and I can barely realize it. My memory of the last time this happened still hazy, I make the same fucking mistake and start trying to figure out why someone would willingly join up with the RCP in 2009. We do our whole dance, me trying not to offend her and her trying to convert me. She kept talking about motherfucking Bob Avakian and reminding me of "Cult Leader" that Non Phixion song.

It gets even weirder when Alice pauses to text her friend and this old woman hanging around us jumped in. This woman was standing there watching us talk like she was a media minder or something. What were we talking about? Well, since drunk Dave is an asshole and doesn't know when to quit, I tell her. So now I'm getting the same fucking pitch, no worse actually because she tosses out the "Obama is Bush all over" and there's not even the remotest possibility of getting laid. Fortunately, Outernational took the stage not long after that and I was spared any more arguing with people who use the term "revolution" way too often. Bye bye Alice, off to get closer to a band that was eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeccchh.

So yeah it's only happened to me twice, but does this happen to anyone else? Do Scientologists send hot girls to shows to try to get people to join up? Or Hare Krishnas? I'm almost tempted to go to Revolution Books and see the state of communism is America today and listen to people impotently wonder why fat and happy 'Muricans aren't rising up against their capitalist masters and also try to pick Alice up but I feel like that's the RCP's hustle. It's why they think I "schmuck" stamped on my forehead.

Well that and Alice loved Outernational despite the fact that they were terrible. They're like if the worst parts of Rage Against the Machine, Anti-Flag and your embarrassing high school ska band (I never had one but I wanted to start one and name us Tupperware) had a baby.

Thursday, December 3, 2009

And Iowa Laughs In Our Face Yet Again

If I were a humbler man, I would perhaps save my crowing about East Coast superiority for a day, following the news that the New York State Senate is scared of catching the gay cooties and resoundingly defeated a gay marriage bill. I didn't need to hang around all day to find out about it either, I caught a newscaster on 1010WINS announcing the vote, and while it may have just been my own biases, I thought I heard a tinge of sadness to the announcement. Of course, it could also just be that reporting historical, groundbreaking news is more fun that reporting humanity continues to be a festering sore of ill-informed, backwards thinking bacteria.

38-24. Christ, what a massacre. So I guess Republicans and Ruben Diaz can crow about this one. Good job guys, you denied a whole class of citizens a right to pretty much be treated like everyone else, and you were able to do it without going on the Senate floor and rending your garments and gnashing your teeth and promising the homosexuals would be kidnapping our children. Well, some other person's kids, I don't have any.

“Advocates for same-sex marriage have attempted to portray their cause as inevitable,” Richard E. Barnes, the executive director of the New York State Catholic Conference, said in the statement. “However, it has become clear that Americans continue to understand marriage the way it has always been understood, and New York is not different in that regard. This is a victory for the basic building block of our society.”

That paragraph annoys me more than any other in the article, probably in part because of my well known anti-Catholic bias. I'm getting sick of the argument that marriage now is the way marriage was in say, the 1850s, or even the 1950s, but I guess it doesn't matter how sick of it I am because that argument will never go away. Shit, I stopped going to Hebrew school after I got Bar Mitzvah'd and I still remember that when Abraham and Sara couldn't have a kid, Abraham just knocked up Sara's servant Hagar (with Sara's blessing). That sounds like exactly the kind of marriages that are around today and I'm sure the Catholic Church has tons of literature about open marriages and sex with one's servants. You know, traditional marriages.

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

We're Gonna Need A Techie

The New York Post's AngerBot Andrea Peyser isn't really a fun read unless you like burying your face in your hands and then using it as another excuse to crawl deeper into your little heroin pit. She's a also a really easy target other internet people have shown. And while I don't mean to oversimplify an issue the way she does in this broadside (reproduced below) against anti-Atlantic Yards organizers, it seems apparent her logic processor is severely malfunctioning.

After years of legal combat that rivals the days of the Roman forum, the state's highest court has given a hearty go-ahead to the Nets basketball arena in Brooklyn. Finally! Sanity reigns in a borough where people will protest sunny days and rainbows if given the chance.

The Court of Appeals says the small knot of resisters who've refused to sell their properties to developer Bruce Ratner -- at handsome profits, I might add -- can be displaced by eminent domain.

This is good news to the many New Yorkers who will win jobs and affordable homes, and bad news only to the selfish handful who'd refused to let their neighbors get a shot at prosperity.

Smack in the middle of some of the richest real estate in the city sits Atlantic Yards, a spot so blighted, it's an outrage nothing has been built there in 40 years. Now, there's a chance.

Even better, big entertainment dollars will be sucked back into New York from New Jersey, where the Nets currently play. It's a win-win situation.

Bring it on!

Ignoring the idea that a conservative should probably be against the wholesale buying out of communities and residents' ideas of such things especially when the government is taking it, leaving aside that fact that New York is having trouble filling it's existing luxury housing, skipping the ridiculous argument that the residents of Brooklyn Heights don't want affluent neighbors, avoiding the sticky politics of why no one would build in Atlantic Yards when it was actually in need of capital, brushing off the fact that it's not as if the jobs at Barclay's Arena are gonna send your kid to Harvard and straight out skipping all that stuff about the affordable housing that will never come to be, we're left with one sentence of insanity, reprinted again for your viewing pleasure:

Even better, big entertainment dollars will be sucked back into New York from New Jersey, where the Nets currently play. It's a win-win situation.

This brings up an important question: what entertainment dollars? And many more questions to boot. Is Andrea Peyser really arguing that people from New York have been going over to New Jersey to see the 0-17 New Jersey Nets? The Nets, who have ranked near the bottom of the NBA's attendance figures even when they were the class of the Atlantic Division (it really happened)? They were taking big entertainment dollars from New York? Is that even a piece of pro-Atlantic Yards propaganda?

If it is and Peyser is that willing to repeat, I guess one can only turn to that old saw about a bridge in the major metropolitan area being for sale and how I can facilitate it for a small fee.