I Really Shouldn't Laugh At This But I Will Anyway

About a month ago or so, I received an invitation from a party promoting company telling me how much fun I could have at a party at Tavern on the Green but that I would have to dres to impress. I guess whoever sent it didn't realize I listen to Animal Collective and was wearing shoes with the soles worn down so far I was getting my feet wet when it rained. I kept the flyer for a little while because it was hilarious and I wondered what kind of future the Tavern on the Green had.

Question answered after a bunch of Bobby Bottleservice types rioted on Halloween because they got shut out of their Tavern on the Green party. Even better, it was apparently because the promoters perpetuated a massive fraud. No, seriously. Newsday, take it away:

Paparo, who estimated she spent $400 on the entire evening, arrived with her friends at 11 p.m. to find the entrance to Tavern on the Green mobbed with thousands of costumed people.

"We waited on the line for two hours in the rain before we even got near [the entrance]," said Paparo, 30, who works at a law firm. It was then that the party turned chaotic, with bouncers unable to handle the expanding crowd. "Tables were being turned over, people were throwing chairs. Bouncers were screaming and cursing at people to get out," Paparo said.

Jennifer Colwell was at the front of the line when the party began to unravel. "It reached the point that I said 'This is scary.' I didn't even want to get in, I just wanted to get out," said Colwell, 40, a legal assistant from Seaford who was at the party with friends.

New York City Police were called to the scene when traffic on Central Park West was being disrupted by the growing line of people leading to the party, according to an NYPD spokesman.

...

Tavern on the Green said in a telephone message Monday that the restaurant contracted the party to Alex and Leo Promotions for 2,000 people, but that the promoters sold more than 5,000 tickets for the party. A promoter who sold tickets to the event and who didn't want to be identified, said Alex and Leo Promotions "didn't have a limit [on tickets]. Every time they got more money from us, they released more tickets."

I mean, maybe if I was the type of person who was willing to pay one hundred and thirty dollars to get into a party I might see this as a grave injustice, but I'm not so I won't. Truth be told, I don't really get bottle service, at least if you're a plebe. I understand you want to drink a lot at the bar, but even at five dollars a shot and a dollar for a tip, you're getting twenty shots of some kinda liquor. And let's be honest, you don't really need that, theoretical party person, because at about half that number you'll probably black out and make some horrendous (and sexy) decision that results in you walking back to the subway in your sexy (and horrendous) Halloween costume.

Favorite quote of the story? It has to be this one:

"He told me the VIP tickets would entitle me to a table for all my friends," says Paparo, "We could get any . . . bottle we would want - Grey Goose, Patron, anything."

Ten internets to the person who can actually fill in the ellipsis with the dirty word. Fucking? Fuckin'? Goddamn? Damn? The possibilities are kind of limited!

There are heroes in this story and their names are Alex and Leo Baskin. These modern day P.T Barnums saw the market available for people who wanted to pretend to be exclusive celebrities and bled it of everything they could walk away with. Ice cold Miller High Lifes for you, gentlemen!