Thursday, July 30, 2009


ThinkProgress should know better. Or maybe they shouldn't, I don't know, I don't read that many openly liberal news aggregators because the comment sections drive me up a wall (and that includes AlterNet). But something tells me ThinkProgress should know better than give in to Family Guy's ridiculous hype and call it "edgy", mostly because anyone that's been alive during the 2000s can't possibly find Quagmire offensive, can they? Erk, I guess so:

The edgy comedy show “Family Guy” is known for its political incorrectness. It regularly features a sexual deviant character, put a McCain-Palin button on a character wearing an SS uniform, and has even taken shots at the Fox network.

Oh Jesus. Let's not go into the fact that the Simpsons have done almost every one of those jokes better and years before Family Guy (I'll give them Quagmire, since the Simpsons' writers never saw fit to use date rape jokes as a crutch) and focus on the fact that this just reads like a press release. Bad Amanda Terkel!

Anyway, boo hoo, Fox won't air Family Guy's abortion episode because according to Seth MacFarlane, they're scared to death to do it. Oh, sorry, "scared to fucking death," how edgy! It could also just be a stupid ploy to gin up interest for the DVD release of the umpteenth season of a show that peaked when it got canceled and came back believing its own hype, since the episode will be on said DVD.

It's a shame too, I'm sure Seth MacFarlane worked really hard on this episode. I can almost see it. He woke up in his solid gold house, went out to get his morning paper resting in front of the front door and saw a headline about abortion. "Aha", thought Seth MacFarlane, "no one has ever joked about abortion before. I'll be a naughty git and do it myself." Yes, Seth MacFarlane calls himself a git, you read it, you can't unread it.

He then burst into the writers' room and slapped down this side splitting scenario:

MEG GRIFFIN at the doctor's office, getting an abortion.

Jeez Meg, your abortion is more boring than my date with Katherine Heigl.


Katherine Heigl made of oatmeal or something and being totally boring.


WACKY DOCTOR rolling around in vaginal goop and baby guts

Comedy gold tin, baby!

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Peter King Discovering Youtube Is A Gift From Allah

Peter King is a meathead jerk who didn't care when people in his clan were planting bombs but is very, very concerned about brown people doing it, to the point that he feels we need to monitor their religious centers. This doesn't make him much different from most Americans or most people in Congress, and if I hadn't grown up with his craggy face looming over my town (metaphorically) as my Congressional representative, I probably wouldn't know a thing about him.

Similarly, if Peter King had merely used the YouTubes just once in a strange and poorly filmed plea for campaign donations, I'd be apt to ignore it on the internet, but laugh and talk about it in real life, which I did. But now that he's veering into awkward vlogger territory, I hope Peter King never leaves the internet.

Wow. Wow, wow, wow. I think this is why they invented "WTF" or this guy right here. Who am I to judge though? I took one film class and college and all of a sudden think I can critique the poor intern who had to use a a camcorder from the 1980s to film shaky shots of patriotic fluff like fire departments and flags? And then uses that as the patriobread for Peter King's impassioned "Teachers and soldiers r gud" rant sandwich? No, obviously I don't understand, because what I do understand is that when the most famous person in the world dies the media will cover it non-stop. I also understand that if soldiers and teachers and volunteers were deified the way Michael Jackson was in his life they would probably get some serious personality disorders going too. Sorry, I guess that's psychobabble.

And let's not forget "We Are The World" inexplicably raised 60 million American dollars for aid to impoverished African countries. Yeah I only like the video because it's hilarious and yes celebrity "we care" wankfests are excruciating, but if Peter King could raise 1 percent of what "We Are The World" did for any charitable cause I'll eat his hat. And no, money for the IRA to bomb the English does not count as charity. Nice try.

Thank you again, old angry white men, for showing us all how rage and ignorance is truly done.